Santa is Mistaken: Canterbury Speaks Posthumously

Dear Tom and Kerri;

As the the late and no longer presiding Archbishop of Canterbury, Titular Head of the Church of England, Knight of the British Empire, Lord of the Realm, and a guy who is pretty darn grateful to Henry VIII for his job, I take serious umbrage to Santa Claus' secular attitude concerning the actual meaning of Christmas.

While I am reluctant to boast, as pride is indicative of vanity and vanity is a sin, I do know a bit about Christmas. For more than a decade, until my untimely death, I essentially ran the Church of England. My direct reports exceeded 30,000 just in the United Kingdom, including Arch Deacons, Canons, Vicars, Priests, Deacons, and a few hundred Anglican Monks. I managed a ton of real estate including some really cool church organs, and an ancient Abbey or two serving as the burial site for English Kings, Queens, Knights and a few scoundrels who shall be nameless. I need to deal with these guys!

Anyway, Santa has it wrong. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ; the Son of our Christian God who died so that we might live. To be blunt, I reside in heaven these days and although I have enough inside information to validate my assertions, I think it best if you focus on faith and prayer until you join me.

The point is however, that toys, glitter and expensive gifts are a distraction from the true meaning of the holiday. My goodness, mega retailers like Harrods, Macy's, Bloomies and now Internet shopping really depress me. I mean, does anyone remember the words of Dickens, Jacob Marley and Tiny Tim?

Message to Mr. Claus: I know Charles Dickens. I confer with Charles Dickens. Charles Dickens is a friend of mine. Santa, you are NO Charles Dickens. (Lloyd Benson stopped bye and suggested the line)

But really, Christmas has always been about warmth, faith, love, and at least for the Brits, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. So keep it simple folks. Celebrate the birth of our saviour and demonstrate kindness and generosity to all, and especially to those less fortunate than you. Please say a prayer for those who have departed. While we share your holiday spirit - and I mean spirit - from afar we miss all of you on earth very, very much.

Finally, please have faith in the Lord and demonstrate your love of God through good deeds. Surround your tree, if you are fortunate enough to have a tree, with warmth and goodwill... and do not worry about materialism and gifts. Your gifts are already innumerable as you will one day learn.

God Bless You and Merry Christmas,

Cantuar